Romance scams and sextortion: warning signs in online chats

Most people you meet online just want to talk. But some chats are scams from the very first message. Knowing the pattern makes them much easier to spot.

Common warning signs

• Too much, too fast. Intense compliments, "I've never felt this way", plans for the future, all within days.
• A move to another app. They push to continue on an app where your phone number or real profile is visible.
• A story that needs money. A medical emergency, a stuck payment, a plane ticket, a "sure" investment, or a gift card request.
• They never show up live. Excuses for why they cannot do a call, or the call never quite works.
• Pressure for intimate photos. Flattery, then insisting, then making you feel bad for saying no.
• Secrecy. "Don't tell anyone about us" is a red flag, not romance.

What sextortion looks like

Sextortion is when someone gets an intimate photo or video of you, or claims to have one, and threatens to share it unless you pay or send more. It often happens very quickly after a friendly chat, and the person may claim to know your friends or family.

If it happens to you

1. Do not pay and do not send more. Paying almost never makes it stop. It usually leads to more demands.
2. Stop replying. You do not need to explain or negotiate.
3. Save evidence. Take screenshots of the chat, the profile and any payment details they gave you.
4. Block and report them on every platform involved.
5. Get help removing images. Adults can use StopNCII.org to help stop intimate images being shared on participating platforms. If the person in the images is under 18, Take It Down can help.
6. Tell someone you trust and report it to the police. You have done nothing wrong. The person threatening you is the one committing a crime.

How DiffWeb makes scams harder

• In Anonymous Chat, links, email addresses and phone numbers are blocked for the first two minutes of every chat, which stops many spam and scam openers.
• Photos are off until both people allow them in that chat.
• Reports include verified proof of the messages, so our safety team can act on facts. Read more on our safety page.

No tool replaces your own judgment, though. If something feels off, trust that feeling and leave.